Thanks very much for taking time to read my thread im new to this. I had an ectopic pregnancy nearly 3 weeks ago and had keyhole surgery to remove my left tube. I have a 3 year old girl and had been trying for nearly a year for baby no 2. Im still off work at the moment and my body is healing well now i feel i need to get my mind right. I am looking for advice from anyone who may have experienced this before or even if you havent I would really appreciate your advice. My work colleagues are always teasing me over baby no 2? when is it coming? why is there no brother or sister for my other little girl? I am a very big animal lover and have a lot and some have even said i would get an animal quicker than have another baby. after trying for almost a year and constantly having this said to you after what has happened i dont think i could cope with it anymore. I havent told them why i am absent from work and thats the way its staying given the nature of what happened and they way they are always at me. Can anyone advise how to best deal with this, because i am on edge over it and want to return to work on a clear and easy state of mind.
Hi suzi I am really sorry for your loss and of course for all the lack of sensitivity in your workplace which definitely doesn't help. You would think people nowadays know better than to ask about children but obviously not.
It is very difficult to advise as we are all different, I have always been very upfront if someone was asking ("soooo any children in the future?" "Yes, but things just don't seem to be going according to plans") but one time I was caught off guard by my nephews (aged 7 at that time) who asked while at lunch with all the family "you have been married for a while now, why don't you have any children?" it was totally innocent of course but there and then the only think I came up with was "because we love skiing and a baby cannot do that" (I know....oh my God...it was terrible!).
For work my strategy would be if you have a co/worker you are a bit closer to, you can send an email and say something on the line of "I have been going through some personal problems which are very difficult for me to talk about. Could you do me a favour and discretly mention to the other that it would be best to avoid any reference to having children etc? I would be most grateful ....etc" If you don't have a coworker you can talk to before you go back, you have to have an answer ready. Again, when I went back after my second ectopic I had said nothing to anyone in work as it ha happen late in august, so the first thing that happened of course was a colleague of mine who as soon as he saw me back in the building said "soo did you have a nice holiday?" to which I responded "I have been in the hospital actually. I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to undergo emergency surgery" and he was absolutely mortified, it was completely innocent on his part, it was after the summer and I didn't mean to make him feel bad, but at least I had not lied and we never spoke about it again. If you don't want to say anything, at the next comment on children etc you must have a blunt answer like "I am sorry, I know you don't mean it, but right now those type of comments are really inappropriate, I can assure you you will be the first to know if we have news." and leave it at that. Hugs, keep us posted
Thankyou so much for getting back to me, that is a great help to me. The funny thing is my own personal friends and family never comment but in my workplace they feel they have the right to do so. Im hoping to go back to work in the next couple of weeks so im trying to gear myself up for going back. thanks again